In my Facebook newsfeed I read a post from the husband of a mutual friend. I don’t know what lead Danny Perez to be very open in sharing this post. I commend him for it. It’s hardly spoken from a man’s view. Normally, I have read it from women or wives who have marriages that are effected by this addiction. Wishing that their partner would just stop it. And it is not necessarily always the man. Women too struggle with this. It may be through reading material.
Here is what he shared on Facebook and his plea to parents.
PORN – I hate porn!!
From my childhood I was exposed to porn at an early age and have struggled with this addiction my whole life. It was not until about 10 years ago did I learn that it’s truly is an addiction, and that 95+ percent of men (Yes, this may surprise you but is accurate and maybe even low) and a large growing percentage of women struggle with this addiction. When you look at porn it releases a chemical in your brain, the same as when having sex called dopamine. This is also the same chemical released when using street drugs! It is an actual chemical addiction!!! Thankfully I have the Lord who gives me strength to overcome this addiction!
WARNING PARENTS – I share my story with you so you understand my passion behind my next statement and understand that I am not attacking you as a parent I am pleading with parents in my circle to take a stand. Parents, we are naive to think that our children and teenagers are not looking at this when they have free reign on their phones. I recently was talking to my oldest son who is 23 and he told me passionately that there will be no smart phones for his kids, that they will only have a flip phone and this really opened my eyes. We made the mistake of giving our older children phones with no boundaries and just taking up at night. We thought this was enough restriction at the time. Here is the hard truth if you do not turn off social media for your kids and shut down internet browsing:
1. WEB BROWSER – They will search porn with their friends (its a normal curiosity with hormones raging I don’t care how good of a parent you are).
2. SOCIAL MEDIA – Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and on and on there is no way to 100% or even get close to filtering what your child views on these apps. Guaranteed that your child will be exposed to porn on these apps.
PARENTS QUESTION
So here are the hard questions as a parent…
When is it okay to allow exposure to our children as a parent because this is the world we live in and they will have to learn how to navigate it without our boundaries. I am not an expert on this but have done some research to understand that my child’s brain is not capable of handling this choice at 12, 13, 14, 15, and probably not even 16. It is like saying to my teenager it’s okay to go to the adult book store and hang out this afternoon. Another example would be saying it is okay for my 13 year old to go to a topless bar and hang out this afternoon. May seem harsh or extreme depending on what perspective you are reading this from but I challenge you to look up porn on your browser or social media app and you will understand this is a reality. I like to use analogies because we can relate to those and when you hear my analogies we as good parents would say we would never allow our children to do either of those things.
So my question is why do we give them free reign on their phones then?
1. Want the kids to feel included and not excluded.
2. Want our kids to have fun.
3. These apps make great babysitters. (I’m guilty of this)
STOP!
My Plea in sharing this is that we not isolate our children from this world completely. It is to allow some time for our child’s brain to develop before giving them free reign to the world. Removing the apps and browser access is the only way to do this and I plea with you to do it. I know it is difficult. It takes time and effort to put these boundaries in place. We have to actively give permission to each and every app they want, allow the specific website to use those apps, so it takes work on our end and almost war with your child, but they will thank you some day when their status at school means nothing. Yes, I am asking you to be that parent for the sake of your child! Remember it is an addiction and none of our parents want to put that on our child when asked so take a stance with me now!
Sincerely,
Danny Perez
We can all be better parents. I can tell you from watching on the sidelines of relatives who are having discussions with their 14 year olds about condoms. The child wanted his parent to go pick him up condoms like it was just another item on the grocery list. I have known of parents who their children are addicted to their smart phones and some got caught up in having one set back after another. Setbacks as in abusing their own bodies to ending up pregnant and barely graduating from high school. No one wishes their flesh and blood to have a hard life. Good parents want to give their child the best. Or to have it better than what they had growing up. Are we doing enough as parents? By digging those boundaries to prevent heartaches that could be avoided if we take a stance now verses tracing the effects later.
“Technology is changing not only the content of porn, but how, when, and at what age it’s being consumed.” – Fight The New Drug
Beyond the devices, are we spending enough time with our children? By giving them the emotional needs to be confident and stable functioning adults. We live in a world where bad things happen all the time.
The term Sex Trafficking may sound like a Hollywood blockbuster action packed thriller of saving one person. It is a very dark underworld that is local and beyond. Children kidnapped to babies sold as sex slaves. Not all have a dramatic abduction or survive. Some are offered promise of work and are tricked by an older person. Many are vulnerable and are easily abused by the onion of pornography.
Stopping the demand for exploitation.
“Human trafficking only perpetuates because there is a customer base,” Det. Amber Campbell said in the documentary. “If we had no customers, if we had no demand, we would have no trafficking. It’s simple economics.”
To learn more visit FightTheNewDrug.org or find organizations how to be an accountability partner to your own children. Watch documentaries and testimonies of law enforcement how they uncover and take down the buyers.
I just read another blog post about a podcast from Adam Savage. He is the host of a popular science-based TV show, Mythbusters. He has twin sons where he had a discussion with them regarding finding porn on the internet. One of them was proactively searching for it. Here is the link to read more about it.
Don’t think for a second that there is nothing that you can do about it. You can.